Why do I love God? Could it be selfishness because he is always there for me? Or is it because I was afraid of getting hurt if I loved someone ...he loved me first. Maybe it's because he's always giving to me without me even asking. He knows what I need before I do. Perhaps because by him loving me unconditionally even when I didn't know how to love myself, I have learned that his love is constant, he is always watching over me, he is always teaching me, and he is everything to me.
I remember sitting on my couch alone, exhausted, and in so much pain. I was bewildered. My doctor told me that fibromyalgia had taken over my body and I had to change my diet, take supplements, and begin with five minute intervals of physical activity and rest just adding a minute at a time stretched out over a long period of time. My body couldn't tolerate any of the three drugs out there that are used to treat fibromyalgia. It seemed as though fibromyalgia had defeated me. I looked for him, God. He was there and he gave me courage. He strengthened me. He lifted me up. He helped me in ways that are hard to explain. It's like one minute I found nothing left inside and the next minute my courage and hope were renewed and I was filled with joy of what was to come.
The last words spoken to me by my neuromuscular doctor were, "You have beate fibromyalgia." Praise God. He healed me. Some ask, "How did he heal you when you did all the work and gave up eating what you loved to eat?" He helped me to understand that just because I liked doing it or eating it didn't mean it was right for me. The food he gave us is pure. And the spiritual nourishment his word gives us nourishes us mentally, emotionally, physically, and psychologically which is what someone with fibromyalgia needs. It was what I needed. And now I can eat foods with gluten, sugar, artificial sweetners, and msg in MODERATION. And I no longer need someone else's approval before I feel loved or accepted and I'm no longer riddled with anxiety from feeling inadequate and scarred.
I praise God because I know that he teaches me what is right for me, he is always with me waiting for me to say, "I tried to do it on my own LORD and I can't. Will you help me? I give it all to you because I can't do it on my own." And he gave me the courage to not give up . He gave me the courage and mental strength I needed to completely change my diet, what I drank, and he took the desire to smoke away from me without so much as a hint of withdraw. He took empty and gave me plenty.
God hasn't promised us a perfect body or a perfect life in this world but he has promised us that we are not of this world. We are pilgrims just passing through. And one day, that glorious day when Christ returns, we will change in the twinkling of an eye and become like him. There will be no sickness, no disease, no sorrow, no tears, and we will have a perfect body, in a perfect world for eternity.
God has done so many, many things for me over the years that I am afraid that I will forget something. I don't ever want to forget. I could write a book on testimonies and praise reports that all belong to me. Some might say I'm blessed while others say God must have had a lot to punish me for. I say I am blessed and if God counted me worthy to discipline and mold me like a Father disciplines his child than I know I am definitely blessed. If you haven't given God a chance, please do. He will take you from broken to courageous, lonesome to loved unconditionally, depressed to filled with joy, from heartbroken to whole. I think God created man because he wants to be loved and that he gave us freedom of will because he wants for us to choose to love him and beleive in him of our own free will. And I believe God wants to be worshipped because he is a jealous God and that God wants to be praised because he answered our prayer whether it was what we prayed for or not because FATHER KNOWS BEST. And I believe he wants for us to believe in him because he put knowledge of him in our hearts because he loved us first and chose us from before the foundation of the world. And friend, if you have a big empty hole in your heart, if you feel a void in your life that no one has filled, if you can't find true happiness and you don't know why than your heart is trying to tell you something....choose God. He is everything you need, in every situation, every relationship, every challenge, every heart ache, every lost battle, every defeat and he will make you more than a conqueror in all of it. I know from experience. He has never failed me or let me down.
So if I seem to you like a Jesus freak, a Bible lover, or like I'm trying to be better than you its because Jesus suffered and died for me because he is my friend, the Bible is a manual to my life, and I can always find ways to improve myself but I love you just the way you are.